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Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Joss owns them. Thanks to Diana for all her help, she is irreplaceable. |
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Petals All the lilies bloomed and
blossomed Wilted and they're
shivering I can't stop their
withering Oh this world is a war Petals-Hole Willow leaned against the sink.
Her hands held the cracked porcelain with a ferocious grip. She could hear the
faint mumblings of Buffy and Spike in the other room, Buffy sounded tired,
Spike sounded, not like Spike at all. Breathing in the cold air of
the tiny bathroom with a steady gasp, Willow reached for the faucet and turned
the water on. She watched it as it
filled the sink, slowly swirling down the drain before she allowed herself to
cry. The water tipping against the
basin made her shiver but she didn't move to turn it off. She closed her eyes until she heard nothing
but the sound of water lapping at her ears. *** Willow turned off the tap and
leaned against the bathroom door, waiting until she was sure the quiet murmurs
on the other side of the door had ceased for good. Slowly she pushed herself away
from the door, her hand moved to the knob and she twisted it open. The room was dark. The only
light coming through came from tiny slats in the blinds. And it was cold, the floor felt like slabs
of ice against Willow's bare feet as she made her way to the bed. Buffy was already asleep, a
blanket tugged tightly around her body, a small frown across her face as her
hair tangled around her. She watched
Buffy for a few seconds, sleeping, until she heard the shuffle of Spike's
booted feet across the room. Slowly she turned to look at
him, her insides tightening at his profile.
She forced back the bile and unreasonable hate with a shake of her head. "You should be
resting." She whispered, walking around the bed towards the unoccupied
side, "You're hurt." "Been hurt before,
haven't I?" He answered with a quiet laugh lowering himself to the lone
chair by the only tableside in the room. "Yeah but Buffy needs
us. Besides she's worried about
you." Willow added on reluctantly crawling into the bed next to the
sleeping Slayer. Spike didn't answer her and
Willow hadn't expected or particularly wanted him to. Pulling the sheet and blankets around her own frame Willow closed
her eyes and concentrated on the sound of Buffy's breathing next to her hoping
it'd lull her to sleep. It hadn't
worked in the past few days but Willow held out hope and tried to fight off the
images of the carnage that always guided her to unhappy sleep. There was fire, lots of fire
and screams. Human, demon, no one was
spared the judgment that was meant for her.
It was her fault. Willow knew
that just as she knew that Xander was gone.
She'd held his body in her arms long after he'd already died, amazed
that the broken and bloodied corpse was the boy, the man, she'd loved her
entire life. Spike let out a scratchy cough
across the room, its sound urging her eyes open. She watched him in the dark as he stretched out in the chair
slowly, his body barely moving against its own broken bones and marred skin
that wasn't healing properly. She frowned and for a second
almost offered him up space in the bed, something Buffy surely would have done
if she hadn't fallen asleep so much quicker than the two of them had. Buffy had made it through the
fight almost untouched physically, a couple of small cuts and bruises that were
nearly gone already. She'd held the
blunt of getting them out of Sunnydale and onto to the road, Spike too beaten
to be much help and Willow too distraught to care. Buffy was exhausted though,
and this was the first day that she'd fallen asleep so easily and so quickly
and long before both Willow and Spike.
Usually she paced the room of whatever motel they'd found for lodging,
her forehead crinkled as she murmured to herself, working through whatever plan
she was setting up. Or else she tended to Spike,
who was not getting better. A few of
his marks had healed up but he was becoming weaker everyday for all that he
refused to show it. Willow knew it
worried Buffy, but she wasn't sure if it was because they needed another
fighter on their side or if it was because she cared about the vampire a lot
more than she'd admitted before. Willow gave Spike another long
look, she could barely make out his face in the dark, but his eyes were closed,
she was sure he wasn't sleeping but she turned away from him. Rolling to her
side, her teeth tugged at her lip as her hand reached up towards Buffy's hair,
capturing a few strands lightly around her fingers she willed herself to sleep. ***
Leaning down next to the
vampire Buffy spoke to Spike in a low whisper, her words impossible for Willow
to make out. She pushed his sleeves up,
her fingers gently prodding the flesh that should by all rights be healed. "Spike," Buffy began
quietly but no longer in a whisper, "You aren't healing right." "Doing fine here Buffy,
don't age your brow over the likes of me." He answered back roughly
tugging his sleeves down before fumbling for his cigarettes on the table. "Spike." Buffy pressed
on, standing until she towered over the slumping vampire's form. "Leave it Slayer. I'm
fine." Spike finished lighting his cigarette his eyes wandering around the
room refusing to meet Buffy's gaze. He settled his stare on Willow,
she didn't look away as he spoke obviously happy for the distraction,
"Your Witch is up, see about your girl Buffy." "Spike," Buffy
quieted, "You need to-" "No." He cut her
off, "See about your girl Buffy." Buffy shook her head and
turned from him in frustration and took the few steps across the room towards
the bed. "Hey." She smiled
down at Willow. "Hey." Willow
responded leaning up against the headboard, "Um, he's okay?" Willow
asked looking in Spike's direction. "No," Buffy started
sitting down on the mattress, "But he's pig headed." She tacked on
loudly before continuing, "How about you?" "I'm fine Buffy. I didn't
even get hurt, a couple of scratches-" "Not what I meant."
Buffy interrupted, reaching for Willow's hand. "I know." Willow agreed
taking Buffy's grip, her fingers entwining around Buffy's. The two girls sat there for a
while, Willow biting back tears she refused to show Buffy, her hold gripping
the Slayer's tightly, until Buffy spoke again. Pulling her hand free from
Willow's she stood up and paced the small length of floor along the bed,
shooting Spike looks of frustration before she looked at Willow again. "I can't talk reason into
him at all Will." "Reason?" Willow asked
scooting up, hiding the frown she felt at Buffy's release of contact and her
ease into moving away from her and back towards Spike. "What do you mean
Buffy?" "Huh? Nothing.
Except he isn't getting better and he won't feed properly." Buffy
answered, her tone drifting. "We could dust him, you
know put him out of his misery and all." Willow offered up hopefully, her
lips upturning in a tiny smile. "Will!" Buffy
stopped and looked at her incredulously. "See another side effect
of the Hellmouth opening, you know besides death, chaos and more death. A real sense of humor killer." Willow
sighed, "I was kidding Buffy." "He needs blood."
Buffy picked back up with her pacing. "I could go out to the
car, the cooler in the trunk?" Willow offered tossing the blankets from
her body and standing. "I don't think pig's
blood is gonna' cut it Will. It hasn't
done anything so far." "It can't actually
hurt." Willow replied reaching foe her jacket and the car keys Buffy has
tossed on the bureau the day before. "I suppose not,"
Buffy answered absently before taking the keys from Willow's hands, "But
he needs human blood." "Buffy!" Willow
started, the shock obvious in her voice, "You don't mean, I mean not
yours?" "What?" Buffy asked
stepping back her face paling enough that Willow scrunched her brow in
confusion before Buffy picked back up, "No. No don't be...ridiculous. I need to find a blood bank. And I need to call Giles." *** She was also waiting for
Buffy's return. She wasn't worried
exactly, Buffy was the Slayer after all, it's just this was the longest they'd
been apart since they left Sunnydale.
Plus she didn't fancy the alternative view. Buffy had helped Spike to the
bed before she left, he protested the whole way, quite feebly too Willow had
thought. Now he was sleeping, and even though he didn't have to breathe he always
had anyway and the sounds coming from his direction weren't pleasant. They were labored, painful even. Suddenly Willow realized what they reminded
her of, the afternoon she'd spent at Angel's mansion after Faith had poisoned
him. Angel would have died if...she
didn't let her mind wrap around those thoughts instead she forced herself to
look in his direction. After all if
Spike did go permanently poof it'd be her fault. The least she owed him was a look. "Willow." His voice
cracked out through the silence, she jumped at the sound. "You're awake." She
told him. "That I am." He
answered groggily, sitting up, his joints popping, his face worrying against
the pull of his flesh and wounds reopening, "Hand me my cigarettes, would
you?" Willow looked towards the
table at the half empty pack of cigarettes and moved to grab them. She walked across the room and handed them
to him before sitting on the edge of the mattress. "Buffy?" He asked
reaching for the pack his fingers plucking awkwardly at the cellophane. "She'll be back."
Willow answered shortly watching him struggle with the pack. His knuckles were raw, the bones in his
hands jutting wrongly against his flesh.
Frowning she took the pack from him and she handed him one of his
cigarettes. He struggled with the lighter
he'd pulled from his pocket and Willow shook her head. "Buffy's right, you are a
stubborn so and so aren't you?" She asked plucking the Zippo from his hand
and releasing the flame until the tip of his cigarette glowed orange in the
darkness. The two sat in silence the
only sound in the room the flick and hiss of the Zippo as Willow passed the
flame underneath her fingers, not brave enough to let the heat linger long
enough to cause any real pain she still enjoyed the tiny jolts it sent through
her skin. She wasn't aware that she was
smiling until Spike moved and made a grab for the lighter. She palmed it in her hand, the
heat from its metallic frame warm against her grasp. "That's rude Mr.
Grabby hands." "Don't fancy the Slayer
coming back to a well done Witch, now do I?" He shrugged leaning back
against the head board his cigarette perched lazily between his lips before he
spoke again his voice hardly above a whisper, "For what it's worth Willow,
I wanted to get there in time." Willow stuffed the Zippo into
the pocket of her jeans and stood up, her fingers reaching for the knob on the
television. "Think there's anything on?" *** "A little help here
Will?" Buffy called out kicking the door closed with her foot. Willow looked up from the
television program she'd been pretending to be absorbed in, jumping up she
reached for one of the bags in Buffy's hand. "So how's he doing?"
Buffy asked nodding in Spike's direction as she pulled a couple of blood bags
from her parcel. Willow followed Buffy's trail
of vision, not having bothered to look in his direction after he'd broached the
subject of the night they'd left Sunnydale.
He was sleeping. "Fine. I think.
He was awake earlier." Willow answered digging through the bag
she'd taken from Buffy, "Nail polish?" She asked holding up a bottle
of Revlon Red. "A girl needs her
luxuries especially when she's outrunning evil." Buffy forced lightly
reaching past Willow's hand and pulling out a bag of Doritos, "But food,
so hey nutritional practicalities." "In the world of the five year old." Willow smarted
ripping them open anyway and digging in her eyes following Buffy as she made
her way across the room with the blood bags in her grip. "Spike." Buffy
reached for his shoulder and shook him gently until his eyes opened. A sly smile crossed his face,
"Slayer," He started his arm tiredly reaching for her waist before
she jerked away her eyes wide, she held out a blood bag. "Here." She called
out stepping back as he took the offered bag. "Don't want it. Not hungry." He tossed the bag across
the bed. Buffy rolled her eyes and
reached for it, her tone firm but kind of soft around the edges, Willow looked
away from them as Buffy spoke, "You need your strength. I need your strength." *** Buffy perched herself on the
edge of the table, her eyes wearily watching Spike as he slept, "I think
he's doing better." "Yep. Like an undead dead guy." Willow
answered taking another chip from the bag. "God. I'm tired." Buffy sighed as Willow held
out the bag of Doritos, taking one Buffy examined it absently before
continuing. "I talked to Giles." "Yeah?" Willow
prodded shoving the bag towards Buffy, she'd had enough anyways. "Yeah. Dawn's doing okay, she doesn't know, he, we
figured it'd be better for now anyway." Buffy shrugged sadly before
picking back up, "He got us a place to go for a while until things
settle." "Settle?" Willow
snorted sadly and leaned back against the chair, covering her eyes with her
hands. "Yeah. Settle." Buffy answered back, her voice
edgy. Willow heard the sound of
Buffy crunching on a few chips before se spoke again, "What's up
Will?" "With what?" Willow
asked innocently pulling her hands from her face. "The whole what with the
settle thing maybe?" Buffy pressed closing the bag and dropping it to the
table beside her. "The what?" Willow
laughed weakly, picking up Buffy's bottle of Revlon Red, "I'm tired,
that's all." "We're all tired, it's
been a rough couple of days." Buffy shrugged hopping from the table. "Yeah," Willow
smirked setting the polish down, "Rough." "What's the huh here
Will?" Buffy asked, her hands settling on her hips as she looked down at
Willow. "God Buffy, I don't
know," Willow started feeling the tears she'd been hiding from Buffy let
loose across her cheeks, "That nobody is being honest here, saying what
they mean, that it's my fault." "It's not your
fault." Buffy moved closer to Willow stopping when Willow held out her
hand begging Buffy to keep her distance. "Or, or that you're all
'la la la' with nail polish and fussing over Spike, doing anything to ignore
the fact the Xander's dead and Sunnydale is gone. God Buffy, do you even care?" Willow asked weakly wincing at
her own words. "Do...I? I can't believe you just said that
Will." Buffy gasped and turned away from the red head. "You can't care."
Willow told her quietly. Buffy whipped around her
fingers gripping the collar of Willow's shirt as she pulled her up to full
height so the two girls stood. Willow jerked back at the sudden movement but
steadied herself on trembling legs, her eyes slowly meeting Buffy's. "You can't care,"
Willow continued, "You can't because I'm here." "Will?" Buffy paused
her fingers loosening from their hold but not letting go. "No." Willow tugged
herself away from Buffy. "Stop, don't do
this. Not again." Buffy reached
for Willow's sleeve. "I have to. I have to do this Buffy because it hurts so
much." Willow cried trying to step away as Buffy pulled her in
closer. "Oh God Buffy, I promised
that-that I wouldn't let you see me like this, that I wouldn't. But I'm
breaking." Willow hiccupped. "I
tried, I really did. Every night. I've
tried." She finished sadly as Buffy's arms reached around her encircling
the Witch. "This is not your
fault." Buffy affirmed, staring off as the two girls lowered themselves to
the ground, "This is not your fault." She repeated cradling Willow in
her arms, her head leaning against the wall. *** Willow woke confused, her
fingers prodded the mattress underneath her.
She'd fallen asleep. She'd
fallen asleep on the cold floor, her head in Buffy's lap not on the bed. Pulling herself up and keeping
the blankets held firmly to her chin Willow looked around the room in a panic,
the thought of being abandoned raced through her. It was what she deserved. "Oh God." She
whispered, until she heard the faintest whimpers coming from the corner. "Buffy?" She called
out standing up. "Shh." Buffy's voice
broke through the air, the heavy tension, and Willow turned to look at her. Buffy sat in the chair Willow
had abandoned earlier, her head rested against the tabletop, her hair fanned
about her. She wasn't looking at
Willow, instead she was looking towards the corner where Willow had heard the
slight cries moments before. Spike sat against the wall,
his head hidden against his chest, his arms wrapped about his knees. Slowly he rocked back and forth. The sight sent shivers down Willow's body. She looked back at Buffy, a
panicked frown on her face she spoke softly, "What happened Buff?" "Hmmm?" Buffy
answered back, distracted as she stood up. "Something happened. What happened?" Willow repeated. "Nothing." Buffy
shrugged her shoulders and reached for her duffle bag. Willow watched as Buffy dug
through the bag pulling a long sleeved turtle neck from the wadded up
clothing. "It's cold." She
told Willow simply as she stretched to pull her long sleeved t-shirt off her
body. Willow adverted her eyes from
Buffy's frame catching her lack of a bra with reddened cheeks before Buffy
slunk towards the bed. "I'm tired." Buffy
told her crawling underneath the blankets, "You should get some rest too
Willow." "How long was I
asleep?" Willow asked, confused and a little frightened at the spectacle
in front of her, her eyes moving back to Spike. "A few hours but we've
got a long drive tonight and I'm sure I don't have to point out the extreme
discomfort of sleeping in a car?" Buffy yawned, "Sides cuddle
time." Buffy finished sleepily. Cuddle time, Willow looked at
the Slayer questionably, Buffy was acting strange. Willow spared one more look towards the vampire and crawled into
bed. She didn't move away When Buffy
skirted in next to her. Though she did
shiver against the pinprick of Buffy's breath against her neck. Quietly she spoke again,
"What happened to Spike?" "He's healing."
Buffy told her with a slur to her voice before nudging her face against
Willow's neck and falling asleep. ***
Buffy was dutifully packing
their bags, both hers and Willow, sloppily stuffing dirty clothes in with
clean. "You're up. Good. We have to hit the road." Buffy spoke
curtly not looking towards Willow as she zipped up the bags. Spike was lounging in the
doorway, his face cloaked in regret as Buffy packed at least until he caught
Willow watching him. A practiced smirk
crossed his mouth as he nodded in her direction. He looked well, completely
healed even, there were still a few fading bruises along his jaw line, but
otherwise he looked the old Spike. Willow looked from him to
Buffy, "All miracle salvy? The
blood bank bags?" "A sodding tonic."
Spike answered, looking towards Buffy catching her eyes for a small second
before she looked away. *** Willow watched the sky from
the backseat window, it'd been snowing and it was still dark out but the clouds
were beginning to take on a purple glow.
Sunrise wasn't very far away, an hour tops she guessed looking towards
Spike in the driver's seat, from her spot behind Buffy who was asleep in the
front passenger seat. Willow wondered if Spike had
calculated daybreak yet, she wasn't sure if actually could, Angel used to but
Spike and Angel were completely different creatures. "It'll be daybreak
soon." Willow's voice echoed through the silent vehicle. "That it will."
Spike answered gruffly. Willow sighed, "We're in the
middle of nowhere, not exactly an ideal setting for super combustible vampire
guy." When no one responded Willow
looked back towards the darkness at the snow banks they passed. A sad smile on her face, she remembered the
weekend she had spent with Tara in Colorado the last winter Tara was
alive. Before all the badness. Tara hadn't seen snow before
and she loved it. Willow loved the way
the cold had chapped her cheeks, making her face so rosy against the frost. "We're here." Spike
called out and Willow looked away from her window towards the direction both
Buffy and Spike were now staring towards. "This is it?" Buffy
asked. There was nothing but dying
darkness and plush hills of snow along the recently plowed pathway that ended
in front of the cabin. She wasn't even
quite sure when they pulled off the main thoroughfare, which if Willow thought
about it was hardly much of a thoroughfare to begin with. "That it is." Spike
answered Buffy putting the car in park. His eyes, Willow noticed, avoided Buffy
with caution until the Slayer opened the door and stepped out into the icy
grass, where he watched her with pointed interest from the car's dark interior. "Are you sure?" Buffy questioned again, looking towards the
tiny cabin. "There's this lack of
food, gas and lodging feel to the place." Buffy murmured looking towards
Willow, "I think this is a one Starbuck's town." Willow smiled sadly at Buffy's
declaration, it reminded her so much of Buffy's arrival in Sunnydale and into
her life. There certainly wasn't a
Starbuck's, they'd driven through a tiny town no less than half an hour
before. There was a diner, a couple of
other storefronts, a five and dime relic from yesteryear but not much else. Willow had guessed they wouldn't be stopping
on the outskirts of the sleepy little town, because conspicuous much? "It's snowing!"
Buffy called out excitedly looking towards the car before spinning underneath
the falling flakes. Willow grinned as she watched
Buffy. It'd been such a long while since
any of them had smiled in true earnest, especially Buffy. Buffy of all them had the best smile,
contagious even because it didn't come through often enough. Willow leaned up against the
front seat resting her elbows against the leather and watched her friend in
contentment until she looked over at Spike, "See? She can be happy." Sighing Willow picked at a
piece of flaking leather and spoke, "What earlier Spike? Between you and
Buffy?" "Beg pardon?" Spike
answered deliberately missing her question while pushing the car's lighter in
and taking out a cigarette. "Something happened.
Between you and Buffy. " Willow
started slowly, the memory of Buffy drowsy stare and slurred words coming
forward, not too mention Spike's throwback to the basement, when he first got
his soul. "So what happened?" "That'd be between me and
the Slayer. Not my place to be ticking
off the Slayer's business." he snorted before picking back up, "Not
Xander am I, always tossing off Buffy's business and the like." "Don't. Just don't."
Willow whispered looking at him, his face softened for a second against the
hurt displayed in hers, but only a second before he leaned his arm against the
seat and gave her a long look. A sneer
as the lighter popped out of the dash and he lit his cigarette. Willow watched him in
disbelief as he smoke his cigarette all casual like as if he hadn't just
plunged a knife into her chest. The
shock soon shifted to an easy rage, her fingernails dug into the leather. Spike raised an eyebrow in
amusement and leered, "Look at her go.
Come on Witch, give it to me good, if you got the stones." Willow looked up at him and
shook her head pushing herself away from the front seat until her back hit the
cold leather behind her. "Ta." Spike answered
taking another drag off his cigarette and turning away from her. "Don't
fret Willow, not alone are you?" She wasn't alone. "Monsters still
here." He finished quietly his gaze drifting towards Buffy who was
spinning obliviously in the snow her face alight in amusement. "Hey," Buffy called
out, her jovial tone dissipating the heavy tension in the car, "Think
there's a mall? I can't imagine not
getting my shoe groove on." "Next to the Starbuck's,
Dove." Spike answered her, his voice cracking just a bit. The sound, the tension, the
need to suddenly be out of the car swept over Willow and she pushed the car
door open refusing to let herself pass another look in Spike's direction. Willow took her first tumble
across the icy Montana ground, which let loose a riotous laugh from the Slayer
who did her own slip slide across the surface to pull Willow up. On shaky feet the two held
onto each other laughing and playing in the snow, catching falling snow flakes
on their tongues. They whispered quiet
apologies to each other for everything and nothing in particular as they spun
in circles. Willow felt alive in
Buffy's grasp. Momentarily happy, forfeiting all the guilt and pain against
Buffy's steady touch. If only Buffy
kept smiling, Willow thought, she'd be able to pretend for a while longer. "You're so pretty when
you smile." Willow told her happily, "Everything stops, killing
what's inside me..." Willow drifted off, her teeth digging against her
lips. "Willow this is not your
fault." Buffy emphasized her hold tightening on Willow's arms. "Buffy, You don't know
everything. I don't, can't have this conversation, not now. Okay? Can we just
be happy?" Willow asked. "Will." Buffy
sighed, pulling her in for a tight hug, "We can be happy." "We can? We can."
Willow affirmed reaching for hair that had escaped Buffy's ponytail tucking it
behind her ears "The cold makes your
cheeks red." Willow marveled, wondering absently if the cold did the same
to hers. Trying all the while to ignore
the way Buffy felt against her, all strong and soft. "We're gonna be icicles
soon." Buffy smiled quietly reaching up and capturing Willow's hand. "Maybe," Willow
murmured looking down at the ground, "W-would you hate me if I said I was
scared?" "I'd tell you to pull up a
seat and join the party." Buffy laughed quietly, bringing Willow's hand to
her cheek, "They should make mittens for your face or something." "There is that whole wild
concept of scarves." Willow answered nervously trying to ignore the tiny
hairs she knew were standing up along the back of her neck at Buffy's intimate
touch. "Who'd have
thought?" Buffy replied absently leaning into Willow until the girls were
forehead to forehead, "Can we sometimes not be brave for each other
Will?" "You got yourself a deal
there, Slayer girl." Willow responded with an exaggerated nod. "Slayer girl?" Buffy
raised an eyebrow. "Mistress of killing
things icky?" Willow supplied as an alternative. Spike turned on the radio
in the background distracting her before Buffy spoke. "Things of the big
ick. I like that." "Knew you would. The sun
will be up soon you know, we could wait for it." Willow asked hopefully
looking towards the car where Spike still sat playing with the radio. Buffy gave her a quick light
punch to the shoulder, "I don't know what's going on between you and
Spike-" "Buffy-." Willow
interrupted only for Buffy to cut her off, "He saved your life, he's saved
mine too many times to count, he's, he's, I don't know what-" "I wish it were easy
Buffy, that I could say he wasn't, that he wasn't dangerous..." Willow
paused feeling the comfy fuzzy mood between her and Buffy evaporating. "He has a soul now."
Buffy shot back quickly refusing to let Willow wiggle from her grasp. So do I, Willow thought, that
summer Tara died, I had a soul and it didn't stop me. She wanted to say this to
Buffy, say anything at all that amounted to the truth biting at her supposed
soul but instead she asked, "What happened between you two last night
Buffy?" "Oh Will," Buffy
began quietly, "I love you Willow.
You know that right? I mean even
if we fight-" "I know Buff but-"
Willow answered nervously, aware yet again at the closeness between the two,
the way it was making her feel. The way that Buffy's fingers were suddenly across
her cheek, soft and cold with out mittens, eliciting a shiver from Willow,
making her forget that Buffy hadn't answered her question about Spike. "And we don't always have
to be brave." Buffy started, "Not always, but sometimes." She
finished and leaned up her lips brushing against Willow's gently before pulling
back again. Willow stared at Buffy,
emotions she couldn't explain starting to run a gamut through her, she loved
Buffy, she loved her so much. Shakily
she did not let go of Buffy when she picked back up, "But when we're not I
can tell you how much I miss Dawn and how scared I get for her sometimes
right? Or how I think I'll die because
Xander is never gonna' come around and barbeque again." She finished,
tears cascading down her face prettily and perfectly. "I know Buffy, I
know." Willow began, her face working into her own tearful display before
emotion took her over completely. "Oh I didn't want to cry Buffy. You made me cry." Willow stumbled, wiping
her face absently with her mitten covered hands suddenly all too aware of Spike
watching them. Willow wondered somewhere in
the back of her mind what he thought of the two of them, their silly tears, but
she hardly had time to ponder much of anything before she felt Buffy's lips on
hers again, the kiss not nearly as chaste this time. In fact pretty much not chaste at all Willow thought as her eyes
widened at the contact Buffy's cool lips.
It wasn't long before she gave into the Slayer's tiny nips and the
unexpected warmth of her mouth. Willow's hands gripped Buffy's
hips, pulling the blonde to her. Tara was drowsiness and
curves, Buffy was adrenaline and edges but they were both soft and right. She
thought she could give herself forever in this moment when suddenly Buffy went
rigid, an alarmed cry darting from her opened lips. "Buffy?" Willow
questioned pulling back. "Thump." Both the
girls heard it this time. "What was that?"
Willow whispered eyes wide, tuning out the roar of the car's stereo in the
background. "Thud. Clump." The
noise echoed yet again and Buffy pulled herself up to her full five foot two
frame, fists ready in a fighting stance. "Creak. Crack." "Spike." Buffy
hissed. "Slayer." Willow
heard him call back. Had she not been expecting his reply she would have missed
it entirely over the sound of The Ramones pumping through the car's
speakers. She watched his face shift,
in that tiny moment, from something she cared not to think about to that of a
predator waiting for his prey. "Crack. Thud.
Thump." "Ow. Hey!" Buffy
screamed, aptly distracting Willow away from the vampire who'd already found
his footing outside of the car. Willow watched with wide eyes
as Buffy fought with her attacker. The
Slayer's hands reached up to her hair, pulling at the tangled twigs that had
attacked her so violently. Snow from the tree above cascaded in loud thumps all
around the pair as Willow's face reddened upon the sight. "Will, Help." Buffy
cried shoving and clawing at the snow-covered twigs caught up in her hair. Willow held her sides trying
to not let the laughter that was begging itself to be released out when Spike
spoke from behind them. "Ferocious things, twigs
and snow Slayer. Don't think the Witch
and myself are equipped for battle against such beasties. Best leave that to the Chosen One and
all." That did it, Willow let out a
loud laugh, the only real one since they'd left Sunnydale. She closed her eyes and threw her head back
as Buffy made quick work of the unwelcomed debris in her hair. She didn't see the Slayer's unsure footing,
the heel of her left boot catching on a patch of ice slicked grass. She surely felt it though when Buffy spun
and slid into her sending the both of them hurling to the ground. "Ugh," Willow
groaned, "Slayer elbow to the ribs." "That's what you get,
making with the ha and all." Buffy answered, her fingers lightly probing
Willow's ribcage for damage before pulling herself up with the agility of the
Slayer. Willow reached for Buffy's
outstretched arm. The two held onto to
each other as they wobbled towards the car. Buffy's lips stretched into a grin
and Willow giggled between clutching her side, which she knew would have an
elbow shaped bruise in the morning. "And to think it was the
likes of you two that thwarted many an evil scheme of mine back in the
day." Spike tsked as they made their way to the car. "Will." Buffy began,
Willow eyeing her curiously, "Seems to me that Spike's looking a little
too comfortable. You know with the dry, warm clothes and all." "And," Willow picked
up, "The big smirking face." "It's just wrong on so
many levels." She stopped and untangled herself from Willow's arms her
foot kicking the snow lightly but pointedly. "Too many. Many, many,
big levels, the biggest levels of the big levels." Willow agreed
enthusiastically. "And as the Slayer,"
Buffy kneeled down scooping up a handful of snow, "It's only right that I
rectify the situation." "It's your duty."
Willow nodded casting a quick glance in Spike's direction, "Sacred
even." "Hey. What's this then?" Spike interrupted
tilting his head inquisitively as Buffy's first snowball collided against the
worn leather of his jacket. "War?" Willow
answered eying the vampire hoping she could make some sort of peace with the
monsters that cradled inside both of them before slinging the snowball in his
direction. *** The cabin was small, really small, Willow noticed setting her bags on the floor. "Right then," Spike said shoving pass Willow into the room, "Much more outdoor atmosphere, you lot won't have to worry about setting a fire, Slayer?" Buffy nodded and her and Spike went about securing the place for the day. They moved about the cabin quietly, the jovial mood from the snow fight all but gone as the pair moved so methodically through the small cabin. Windows were shuttered, curtains pulled tight and doors were locked. Willow took the opportunity to look around the cabin. The walls were bare, nothing hung on them and there was no evidence that anything ever had. It seemed a little strange, a little lonely, Willow thought with a frown as she wandered to a corner chest. It was simple, plain pine, with no carvings or decoration, just a coat of varnishing as a finish. It was clean; she observed her finger moving across its grainy surface. Opening it up she found nothing more than a bundle of blankets and bed sheets. The next thing she noticed was a locked bookcase in the corner. Enraptured, her fingers dragged across it's mesh facing. Demonology texts filled it mostly, standard fair stuff, nothing too dangerous, or, she thought with a small shudder, black artsy. "Will," Buffy called pulling back the blankets on the bed, "Right side, left side?" "Huh?" Willow looked away from the books, the blonde was already rifling through her bag for a pair of dry clothes. "The bed, which side do you want?" Buffy asked, pulling a pair of flannel plants and a thermal top out. "Oh. Oh," Willow blushed and turned away, "Either, I'm preference free." She answered, worrying her lip at the thought of crawling into bed with Buffy. Which, Willow reasoned was absolutely ridiculous. She'd shared beds with Buffy lots of times in the past. Sure none of the other times took place after kissing in the snow, but still, nothing to worry about. It was just Buffy. Her best friend, her completely heterosexual best friend. Willow was not, would not, have fuzzy glowing feelings about her. Beyond fuzzy glowing best buds kind of vibes, those were acceptable. "I'll take the right, it's closer to the door." Buffy said with a shrug pulling a crossbow from her weapons bag and setting it on the nightstand. "You know just in case." "Don't get yourself in a sleepwalk Slayer and aim that thing the wrong way, huh?" Spike said, dropping to the worn arm chair near the door, kicking his feet up on a mismatched ottoman. His tone was light, but his eyes were distant, the jovial mood set from the abrupt snow fight was gone as he lit up a cigarette. Buffy ignored him and pulled the blankets up to her chin and settled comfortably next to Willow, a smile crossing her mouth before drifting into sleep with a speed that Willow envied. Willow wasn't tired. She watched Spike with keen interest behind lowered lids. His face was hard, his hand gripping the arms of the chair, as his cigarette dangled haphazardly from his lips. He was watching them, Willow realized, her and Buffy. Willow felt a sadness tug at heart upon his stare especially when Buffy snuggled in closer to her. Buffy's arm draped across Willow's waist, and Spike looked trodden, defeated even but it didn't last for long. He caught Willow's look and his face went blank. He looked away from the girls, moving to undo his boots before reaching for his snow dampened shirt and pulling it off. The expanse of Spike's chest distracted Willow, the jagged cuts that were so predominant across his body were now nothing but scratches fading quickly. Again earlier events tiptoed through her head and she wondered what it was that had gone on between Buffy and Spike, setting the morose tone of the morning. Uneasily Willow looked away from him and towards the locked bookcase, the titles unreadable in the darkness, but she looked anyway, her teeth digging nervously into her bottom lip. She wondered for the first time what kind of demon had attacked them. She had never seen it before, had never come across it during the many research sessions in her past. What kind of creature was it that left Spike so weak, unable to heal as he normally would have, and was it just run of the mill type A blood that pulled him through when pig's blood couldn't. Willow shook her head, the heavy weight of exhaustion pushing her thoughts away as her eyelids fluttered closed. *** "It's not that bad Buffy." Willow said looking around with a shrug of her shoulders. "It is that bad, this place sucks. This place created suckage, besides it's really creepy." Buffy responded with an exaggerated shudder. "It is not. It's like Mayberry. Mayberry on Ice." "Yeah, well Mayberry was wiggy." Buffy picked up at Willow's snort, "It was." "And this comes from the girl who's been on intimate terms with creepy." Willow shook her head and reached for the door of the five and dime. "Hey. What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked grabbing onto the door as Willow entered the store. "I'm just saying." Willow replied, uncommitted. The town wasn't creepy, it was small and it made Sunnydale look like Metropolis and maybe Willow and Buffy stood out like sore thumbs, but it wasn't creepy. They were just pretty noticeable so people stared. Plus you know, Willow thought, Buffy, she'd stare too. Which broached topics she didn't really want to ponder, plus the afternoon was going so nicely. Sunlight liability meant Spike didn't get to tag along, not that Willow really thought he'd wanted to, he'd given them a short grunt and pulled the covers back over his head as they left. He'd somehow winded up on the bed with them during the early hours of the morning, which sort of struck Willow as bizarre. Just the fact alone that she was sleeping deeply enough that another person could get in the queen sized bed with out her knowing was bad enough. Add to it Spike's trampled look before she fell asleep, not to mention the weirdness that was Buffy and Spike in general and hey, maybe it wasn't that bizarre after all. Either way it was nice just hanging with Buffy, it'd been a long time since they'd done that. The visit to town wasn't purely R and R. Buffy had likened it to recon, checking out the lay of the land and the like. Plus they had to pick up a few vital supplies, girl stuff like shampoo and tampons and other less girly, less human, stuff like blood for Spike. Which Willow was in a bit of a fix about. The town really did remind her of Mayberry, what would the local butcher say to two strangers coming in wanting a week's supply of animal blood? Willow didn't think it would sit well, but Buffy didn't seem too worried about it, which was just like her. "Hello to the super mongo industrial sized box of tampons." Buffy huffed hefting the box up into her arms. "Well maybe people don't get their shopping on a lot out here, hence big everything, like Costco's or something. It's pretty rural. Like a movie, you know where the family piles into the pick up for their weekly venture into town. Ma and Pa in the front seat, Sally and Billy in the truck bed with Rover." Willow supplied helpfully. "Rover?" Buffy tossed the box into their buggy. "The dog." Willow answered unquestionably. "Of course." Buffy agreed reaching for a bottle of shampoo and handing it to Willow, "This okay? They don't have my brand. They don't even have my reserve brand." "I don't so much have a brand." Willow took the bottle and absently pondered it's ingredients as they rounded the corner and headed towards the check out, "Hey I just thought of something." "I've never lived with a guy before unless you count my dad and I don't cause he's my dad and all-" "Uh-huh?" Buffy interrupted raising an eyebrow. "I'm babbling, I get that but I have a point. I've never lived with a guy, I stayed at Oz's a few times but that hardly constitutes a living with a guy thing." "Willow." Buffy urged. "Spike's a guy, right, I mean sort of-" Willow started when Buffy cut in again. "Oh wait! This isn't gonna' be one of male species finds econo size box of tampon references, is it?" "Well maybe." Willow said defensively. "He's like a hundred and thirty years old Will," Buffy said lowering her voice when the woman in front of them turned and gave her a strange look, "Most of which he spent living with a woman." "One who didn't breathe," Willow punctuated emphatically, "And hence did not-" "Really Will, I get the point." Buffy answered piling her stuff on the counter. *** The girls made their way to the car, one neither of them were exactly proficient at driving. Which was what Willow would have to do after the trip to the Butcher's. They'd agreed on it before they left, Buffy drove to town and Willow drove back. "I bet he had sisters." Buffy spoke piling their stuff into the car's trunk "Who?" Willow asked. "Spike. When he was alive I mean." "Really?" Willow asked shutting the trunk. "I don't know actually. I don't know much about him, it's just sometimes..." She stopped drifting off before shaking her head, pulling the keys from her pocket she handed them to Willow. "Just so you don't try to one up me out of driving when we're done at the butcher's." She finished slinging an arm around Willow's waist companionably, sending a small shiver up Willow's body. *** "Okay that was eerily easy." Willow remarked cranking the car. "Slayer charisma. Hand the man a note, look really intimidating, get blood." Buffy shrugged locking her seatbelt into place. "Except for the intimidating bit because you didn't, at all." Willow checked the rearview mirror and pulled out of the parking space, "Besides it's not like that man knows you're the Slayer, or what a Slayer is, or the punch you wallop in your fist when people get you all with the angry." "Should I be offended?" Buffy smirked. "Because you kick ass?" Willow questioned turning onto the stretch of roadway that would lead them back to the cabin. "It sounds better when you put it that way, besides it's not like I always go Slayer girl to get things done." Buffy stopped and then added, "Anymore." "Still," Willow pressed, "I thought there'd be some stares of 'hey you're out of your noggin', what with quarts of pigs blood not being a usual delicatessen." "Giles set it up." Buffy answered. "So Giles knows 'Sam the Butcher'? Which you know, a little weird and unnerving." Willow frowned. She didn't like the fact that a perfectly complete stranger knew anything about them. "Sometimes you personify wigginess, you know that right?" Buffy asked digging through her purse for the five dollar sunglasses she had picked up at the Woolworth's. *** The temperature seemed to drop at least ten degrees by the time they got back to the cabin. Spike was also no longer asleep. He was sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee, one of the many things the small pantry was stocked with when they arrived. He'd obviously just gotten out of the shower, his hair was wet and messy and, Willow thought, a nice improvement. He didn't look up, not even when Buffy ruffled a hand through his hair, something that made him jolt both uncomfortably and not. "Sporting shower hair. I like." Buffy said flippantly, a small frown on her face. "Buffy." Spike greeted, taking a drink from his coffee before looking at Willow, "Will." "Spike." Willow answered back uncomfortably. She didn't like the way he was looking at her. It wasn't anything specific and not something she could put a finger on precisely but it made her uncomfortable. "Got dinner." Buffy began rifling through the butcher's parcel. "Not-" He answered quietly "No. Pig's blood, from the butcher's." She interrupted placing a container on the table in front of him "We got a week's supply, so you should be okay for a while, huh?" "Peachy, Dove." Spike responded dully loosening the lid and placing the container in the microwave. Willow felt the tension before she heard it, before she even saw it. That was the way it was with Buffy. The air in the room would get so thick until it felt like everything would combust and something usually did, Buffy. "God Spike this is getting so old." Buffy hissed her hand slamming against the table. Willow backed away from the pair and chewed her lip nervously when Spike looked up at Buffy, his mouth twisted in a jeer. "Is it Love?" He hissed smoothly ignoring the beep of the microwave, his arms stiffly crossing against his chest. "Oh yeah, I'd say so, about two exits ago, so how about you drop your-" "Guys," Willow interrupted awkwardly not sure where else to go but knowing an otherwise okay day had been shot to shambles. "Um. Things? A little uncomfortable." Willow watched as Buffy slowly looked away from Spike, her eyes dark and dangerous, lips in a thin line of displeasure, which Willow admitted was slightly better than seething anger. Willow knew none of it was pointed at her but she was still uncomfortable until Buffy's mouth softened, "Will? Remember," She began her voice taking on an exaggerated note, her eyes moving to the door, "How you, um, you said that the...trees, yes trees, outside might make with the good when it comes to some spells you wanted to work on?" "Trees?" Willow asked, her brow scrunching in confusion, "I've never heard," She stopped as Buffy widened her eyes and looked towards the door again, "Oh trees. Yes. You know leaves and stuff, which I should go and investigate because, um they could be helpful." "Trees?" Spike snorted wirily finally reaching for the container from the microwave. "Trees." Willow answered indignantly, "Yes trees, some of them have magical potency, all mother nature-y and their leaves..." "None of them have much in the way of leaves, Love." Spike quipped pulling the lid off his heated blood. "Well sap then. All trees have sap." Willow shot back. "Magical sap. Sounds neat." He continued coolly, "And not at all like a ploy for the Slayer to get her thrashing in with out an audience, can't let a Scoob in on the real McCoy after all, can we Pet? What you and I really are?" He finished, his gaze back on Buffy with such single minded determination that Willow stepped back away from the pair. Her curiosity about what had happened between Spike and Buffy abolished underneath the weight of their stares trained on each and each other alone. *** Willow frowned and looked out into the virtual wasteland surrounding the cabin. Spike was right, there weren't a lot of leaves on the trees. Not that Willow was actually looking for leaves or sap or anything equally stupid, or that anyone had bought the silly charade to begin with. Sighing Willow decided that the trees weren't the only things that seemed so barren, everything looked sort of desolate in the burgeoning nightfall. The frosty weather didn't help any, the snow that had seemed so magical before was now only gray slush. Shivering she wished she'd grabbed the car keys when she'd left the two of them alone. At least then she could make use of the car's heater, or even leave. Not that she had anywhere to go. Willow looked towards the door. Everything seemed pretty quiet in the cabin. She hadn't heard anything that resembled dust falling, if dust falling actually was sound worthy, to the ground or strings of colorful obscenity coming from inside, both trademarks of Buffy and Spike's anger. Unenthusiastically she weighed the pros and cons of going back inside.
The biting cold won out, her hand reached for the door knob. Slowly she pushed the door open stopping when a moan broke from Buffy's mouth. Apprehensively she looked into the dark cabin and saw Buffy sitting astride Spike on the bed. His arms were wrapped tightly, possessively, around her body and they were kissing. Buffy let out another smaller moan. Willow's face fell at the repeated sound because it wasn't a bad moan. They usually weren't after all. She shouldn't feel hurt. The kiss with Buffy was like the clothes fluke with Xander, but a snow fluke. It was a strictly one time deal. So why did she feel like someone had just dropped the anvil of doom on her head? Buffy, completely and unequivocally straight, had kissed her and now she was kissing Spike. The anvil wouldn't stop dropping. The last thing Willow wanted was to be noticed by either of them, especially when she was sure her emotions were written across her face quite coherently. She moved to close the door but stopped leaving it ajar at an inch when Spike pulled away from Buffy. "I should never have let you-" "I'm strong Spike, stronger than ever, but I still need you on my side. It had to happen and you know it. Slayer resistance is an amazing thing and I heal quickly. Plus it was inevitable," Her voice lightened, "vamps the world over are unable to resist my charms." "The world over?" Spike asked quietly, his hand reaching for a tangle of Buffy's hair, twisting it around his finger. "Maybe not the world over." Buffy agreed when lips that Willow had found exquisitely soft leaned in for a tiny peck against Spike's forehead.
Willow smiled sadly at seeing the two of them together and so uncharacteristically tender with each other. A ping of envy mounted itself inside her but she didn't look away. "So we're over this. Right?" Buffy asked, "It was my decision and one I don't regret. My plate? Forever full, I don't want one more thing added to it."
"Slayer." Spike hissed looking down. Willow could see him perfectly, his face working through a myriad of emotions, mostly of guilt and self loathing. Things Willow was well acquainted with, things that made her soften the slightest bit towards the vampire. Willow couldn't see Buffy's face but she wandered what the Slayer was giving away, knowing that she very seldom let anything out but when she did, oh when she did, she could make whoever she was with feel like the most important person on the planet. "Buffy," Spike picked back up, "It wasn't just blood." Willow stiffened. "Maybe not. It was my decision though. I need you strong." "Buffy." Spike began his voice weary. "No." Buffy interrupted, "Things are quiet now and they haven't been for a long time. We. We need to rest. And Willow is doing so much better-" Spike stiffened at the mention of Willow's name, enough that even the redhead peeking through a crack in the door could see, no feel, the tension. Buffy noticed it too, and Willow closed her eyes against the sight, the way the Slayer's shoulders squared before picking back up and glossing over Spike's reaction. "Will is doing so much better. So can we just not Spike?" "God Buffy," Spike whispered, his voice so needy, so amazed that it jarred Willow's eyes open. Willow's face fell at Buffy's slow gesture, fingers tugging at the buttons of her flannel shirt until her skin, still bronzed from the California sunshine, lit up the room in the amber tinted darkness. She watched Spike's face fall into amazement and knew exactly what he felt. Suddenly she was in kinship once again with this demon, this vampire, Spike. "You do these things to try frustrate me, right?" Buffy asked him quietly, her teeth tugging at her lip as Spike's mouth drifted across her body, his hands gripping the flesh of her back. "Admit it already." Buffy teased softly. "Didn't know I had to try." Spike answered quietly as Buffy lowered her hands to his zipper. The sound echoed across the cabin out into the dull night and quietly Willow righted the door shut. Spike made Buffy happy. Willow resigned herself with the thought and wiped back the tears that were beginning to gather across her cheeks before settling herself on the porch steps, the cold no longer an issue. *** Willow sat with her knees drawn to her chin, looking up at the starlit sky she thought of Tara. The stars were amazing and prettier than anything Willow had ever seen. Tara used to talk about how the star's shone in the summertime in Alabama. She said it was flawless and the only thing that was perfect for a long time after her mother died. Thinking about Tara like this always brought a happy, comfy feeling to Willow. It took away the guilt and the pain. Star watching, she felt like she was sharing something with Tara. Like no matter where Tara was, she was watching the same stars. "Look Baby," Willow whispered not noticing the new tears that were dampening her cheeks, "The Big Pineapple. You said it was better with out the smog, but I didn't know. I didn't. It's so pretty Sweetie." Sniffling she looked away from the sky, her fingers plucking at a loose thread in her shirt cuff, "I miss you so much Sweetie, so much and it hurts like I'm dying with out you," She looked back at the sky, "But we have the stars, God they're beautiful baby." "You'll catch your death out here." Spike's interrupted, his voice shocking Willow from her thoughts, the tiny bond she was certain she had with Tara disappeared at his approach. "You scared me." Willow answered, wrapping her arms around her body, straightening out her knees, a frown settling across her face. She tried to bite back the envy upon looking at him. He had Buffy. "Talking to your bird?" He asked sitting down next to her, shrugging off his coat. " |